


Lust Dates All The Skeletons

by Lunahras



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dating Marathon, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Manipulation, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Lust Is Afraid of Emotional Intimacy, M/M, Non-exclusive relationships, Polyamory, but like onesided and only initially, cause ive never written smut before, ill add characters and relationships as they come, im undecided on smut, possibly a hint of Cheating here and there, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 01:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18560836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunahras/pseuds/Lunahras
Summary: Lust's non-existent love life spirals out of control when he makes a drunken bet with his brother.Now, how do you convince abunch of people to date you at the same time when you yourself don't actually want to date anyone?(Lust is kinda screwed, unfortunately not literally)





	Lust Dates All The Skeletons

**Author's Note:**

> this thing grabbedme by the throat and forcedmy hands to write it. accompany me on this journey of second hand embarrassment and exceedingly self indulgent open polyamory.

It all started with a bet.

A drunken bet to be precise, never a good situation to make a time-consuming gamble. And yet here he was, with a hangover hammering into his skull like a hammer on an anvil and a very smug brother smirking at him over the rim of his mug.

“SO ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S WAGER...”

Lust groaned as he flopped face-first into the couch, phalanges clutching at the cup that Pink had oh so magnanimously placed in his hand.

“bro, i barely remember _getting_ to the club, let alone whatever stupid bets i may or may not have made.” he mumbled into the couch cushions, barely audible but understood nevertheless.

Pink hummed, “WELL YES, I WON'T DENY IT WAS CERTAINLY STUPID. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY TOOK IT, EVEN AS BAFFLINGLY INEBRIATED AS YOU WERE.”

The was a certain lilt of cunning amusement in his voice that prompted Lust to risk figurative daggers to the sockets and lift his head to look at his brother. That tone never meant anything good for him.

“alright, you got me, what is it?” he asked with a raised eye-ridge, maneuvering his arm between himself and the back of the couch so he could take a sip of heavenly, familiarly bitter coffee.

The corners of Pink's mouth curved upwards in a decidedly anticipatory manner, like a predator stalking prey. Lust felt a small shiver run down his spine. Maybe he didn't want to know after all. But it was too late, his brother was already inhaling in that same way he usually did when he intended to keep talking for a while. With another groan, he took a second sip and let his face crash back on the cushion.

Pink didn't pay him any mind.

“WELL SEE, IT ALL STARTED AFTER YOU CAME BACK FROM A QUICKIE IN THE BATHROOM WITH SOME RANDOM HUMAN – AND REALLY BROTHER, IS IT SO HARD TO MAINTAIN ANY SORT OF STANDARD? – AND I HAD JUST MET TANGO, WHO WAS COINCIDENTALLY ALSO IN THE CLUB, AND WE GOT TALKING ABOUT HIS LOVER BUT THEN YOU STARTED COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE DATING AND THEN HE SUDDENLY HAD TO GO DO, AND I QUOTE, 'A VERY IMPORTANT THING'. BECAUSE YOU'RE TACTLESS LIKE THAT.”

He huffed and Lust had to hold back a snort, somehow managing to take another sip without lifting his chin, much to his brother's clear disapproval.

“and then?”

A socket-roll and an exceedingly dramatic sigh, “THEN I SAID YOU WOULD'T BE SO ANNOYED ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME IF YOU MANAGED TO HOLD ONTO A RELATIONSHIP FOR LONGER THAN A MONTH.”

This time Lust did snort. Pffftt, as if. It just really wasn't worth the effort. Why put so much work into something that would inevitably fail when he could just get his fix from perfectly acceptable strangers that he would never see again? He took another sip, now bemused.

“AND THEN YOU ALMOST BRAINED YOURSELF TRYING TO STAND UP AND VERY LOUDLY DECLARED THAT YOU, AND I QUOTE AGAIN, 'COULD TOTALLY KEEP NOT JUST ONE, BUT TEN RELATIONSHIPS GOING FOR MONTHS WITHOUT A PROBLEM'.”

The coffee almost made it onto the couch as he choked and struggled to sit up, one hand supporting his weight while the other tightened its grip on the mug. He coughed painfully before he finally managed to stare disbelievingly into Pink's thoroughly unimpressed and yet increasingly entertained gaze.

“....please tell me this is a prank.”

Pink scoffed, pulling out his phone and rummaging around before presenting him with a video.

Of Lust.

In the club.

Declaring that he most definitely and assuredly could manage ten romantic relationships at the same time with ease.

He was never drinking again.

(That was a terrible, bold-faced lie,but he ignored this fact for now.)

He looked back at his brother, his voice taking on a higher pitch in something almost akin to desperation, “and you made it a  _bet_ ?!”

Pink shrugged, “I SIMPLY THOUGHT IT'D BE THE BEST WAYTO FINALLY MAKE YOU CLEAN UP YOUR APARTMENT AND KEEP IT LIKE THAT.”

Wait, his collateral was  _keeping his apartment clean?_

Lust closed his sockets and sighed resignedly.

“welp, ya got me bro. guess i'll have to put some _backbone_ into cleaning up.”

When the expected outraged reply didn't come, he opened his sockets again in confusion. The taller skeleton was staring down at him in intense reproach.

“SANS. IT'S A WAGER.”

Lust cringed, a trickle of hot shame trailing along his ribs. “i... i know bro, i just-”

“PLUS IT WASN'T JUST KEEPING YOUR ROOM CLEAN. IT WAS DOING YOUR BEST TO BECOME A PROPER FUCNTIONAL MEMBER OF SOCIETY, WHICH INCLUDES BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO: KEEPING YOUR LIVING SPACE CLEAN, GETTING A PROPER FULL-TIME JOB, NOT NAPPING CONSTANTLY AT SAID JOB, EATING PROPER MEALS, NOT AVOIDING ANY AND ALL POSSIBLE DOCTORS, AND FINALLY TRYING OUT THERAPY.”

The words each felt like a gong going off in Lust's head, sending painful vibrations through his spine and the backs of his darkened sockets. It all sounded so perfectly nice, idyllic and wonderful in its simplicity, like hopping from one dream cloud to the next.

It sounded like a fucking nightmare.

An impossible nightmare at that.

“...are you _sure_ we bet on it?” he tried weakly, grasping at straws.

Pink was looking at him with something between irritation, vindication and something that almost resembled pity.

“IT WAS A WAGER.” he repeated.

And for monsters, or at least for their kind of monsters, wagers were sacred.

To simply break one off, it just wasn't feasible. It went against everything they believed in. If you were going to leave your luck up in the air, you were going to keep it there until the dice landed.

To make a bet was to make a promise of two sides, both binding, and an obligation to at least try and fulfill it.

Lust's gaze fell on his brother and sharpened, shoulders hunched, before straightening out again as he covered his face with an arm and released a loud groan.

“paps, why would you _do_ that? you're not s'pposed to make bets with drunks, at least not big bets, you _know_ that!”

“YES WELL...” Pink trailed off, looking to the side in a display on uncharacteristic chagrin, “I'M ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT YOU, BROTHER,YOU KNOW THAT. AND I'M GETTING TIRED OF HARPING UP AND CLEANING UP AFTER YOU. SO I MAY HAVE BEEN... A LITTLE UNDERHANDED ABOUT IT.”

Sans peeked out at him, making his best impression of an exceedingly unimpressed parent.

“a _little_ underhanded.”

“YES THAT'S WHAT I SAID, THERE'S NO NEED TO REPEAT IT BROTHER. UNLESS YOU'RE GOING SENILE, IN WHICH CASE I GUESS THIS WHOLE THING WAS A MOOT POINT IN THE END.”

The face went back under the arm, “ _stars above,_ bro.”

“YES THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE.” his brother replied wryly.

“when did my sweet little brother turn into a manipulative smartass, i wonder?”

“AROUND THE SAME TIME YOU TURNED INTO A WALKING HOT MESS WITH A PERMANENT DICK.”

“...fair.”

So here he was, between an exceedingly improbable and very uncomfortable goal, and an unreachable and vaguely nauseating suburban fever dream.

For just a second, a very short second, he hated his brother.

That was immediately corrected. He loved his brother more than anything in the world. He was just occasionally... _difficult_.

An explosive sigh.

“what were the terms?”

Pink's sockets widened slightly. “DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE ACUALLY GOING TO _TRY?”_

“yeah, bro, unfortunately it does. the terms?”

“R-RIGHT, THE TERMS, AHEM. AS AGREED UPON LAST NIGHT BEFORE YOU PASSED OUT, YOU ARE TO INITIATE AND MAINTAIN ROMANTIC RELATIONS WITH TEN OR MORE SEPARATE PEOPLE FOR AT LEAST SIX MONTHS EACH. AND NO, JUST FUCKING THE SAME PERSON OCCASIONALLY OVER THAT SPAN OF TIME DOES NOT COUNT. THIS IS ABOUT ACTUAL DATING.”

“...well this is gonna take years.”

“ACTUALLY WE NEVER CLEARED UP WHETHER YOU HAD TO DATE THEM SEPARATELY OR SIMULTANEOUSLY SO I GUESS THAT'S UP TO YOU.”

Lust seemed pensive.

“simultaneously, huh?”

Well then, best get to work.

Ugh.

 

 


End file.
